turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
