Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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