Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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