Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
