did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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