she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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