Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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