He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize