Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
