I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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