Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
