when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
