I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
