Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize