i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
