Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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