I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
