That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
