I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
