i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
