i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I think I just sharted jello shots
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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