Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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