i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
