Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize