The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
This beer is not sobering me up at all
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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