Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
