I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize