Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize