Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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