Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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