this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
