Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
