Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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