did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize