The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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