How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize