Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
