Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
