I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Randomize
