she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
