Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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