You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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