Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
