I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
