Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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