I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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