I have demons in me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
