I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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