I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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