Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
