dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
