it was like having sex with a tree stump
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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