I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
