in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
