Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i wish my penis had a tongue
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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