She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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