I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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