i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize