Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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