Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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