Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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