its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
