Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
