the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
