You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If I die, sorry about rent.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
