Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize