I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
