It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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