Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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