No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
