Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I need a burrito and a hug.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
