Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize