oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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