Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
