R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
