I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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