I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
