He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
