You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
