moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
