Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
