PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
