I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
