Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
