1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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