Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
